My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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