I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
50% drunk capacity currently
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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