I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
