Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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