Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
