The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
