the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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