Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Randomize
