Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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