Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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