Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
