"it" just moved
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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