dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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