the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
