I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
