I've blown a few things in my day
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
