Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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