I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
