I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
