my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
