i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
