Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
