today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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