So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
