I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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