can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
