i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
