I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
