he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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