The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
