If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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