just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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