help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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