I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he fucked my hip out of place.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
