hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
