it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
