3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
