well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
