life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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