I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
