youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
