I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
