mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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