fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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