I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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