It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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