My room smells like vodka and shame
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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