what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
