today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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