Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
