i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize