I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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