If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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