Cold hands, warm shart.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
