Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
