Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
