another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
