I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
