How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
