you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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