Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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