I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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