i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
someone owes me an orgasm
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
