someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
