just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
