Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
