I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
