After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
