I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
