just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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