When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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