I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
