I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
