I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
