I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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