Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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