put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
