I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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