i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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