Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
