I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
