On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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