hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
