i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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