Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
