Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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