420 ftw
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
