happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
