Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
