Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize