Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
