Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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