Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
