North Korea, Best Korea!
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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