a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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