smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
