I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
