We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
