Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
