areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
