i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
