For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So. Much. Porn.
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